As the festive season approaches, grief support specialists are warning that Christmas can intensify emotional distress for Bay of Plenty residents dealing with bereavement.

Local funeral directors have reported a rise in people seeking help to manage renewed feelings of loss.

“People are often surprised by the intensity of emotion that returns around this time of year,” Legacy Funerals director and grief educator Fergus Keith said.

“Grief isn’t linear and it certainly doesn’t expire. As anyone who has experienced grief will know, it can arrive in waves, sudden, strong and sometimes without warning.”

Keith said waves of grief looked different for everyone.

Common reactions included irritability or anger, restlessness, anxiety, tearfulness, profound sadness, loneliness, disrupted sleep and even physical exhaustion.

Grief could also be invisible to others, but deeply felt inside.

Planning ahead can help

Experts suggested making gentle plans for significant dates, rather than leaving it to chance.

They advised taking a moment to ask yourself what might help you feel supported, or what feels too hard this year.

Some people found comfort in maintaining traditions like hanging a favourite ornament, cooking a loved one’s recipe or visiting a place that held special meaning.

Others might prefer to create new rituals that acknowledge their changed reality.

Choosing to step back from festivities could also be a healthy decision.

“If avoiding certain traditions feels more manageable this year, that’s okay,” Keith said.

“What matters most is reducing isolation and giving yourself permission to do what feels right for you.”

The importance of communicating needs

One of the most challenging aspects of grieving during the holidays is knowing how to communicate your needs to others.

Learning to ask for support, or accept it, can feel daunting. Friends and whānau often want to help but may hesitate because they don’t know what to say, Keith said.

Letting them know where you’re at can make a big difference, he said.

If social events feel overwhelming, consider making a contingency plan: arrive late, drive yourself, or let the host know you may leave early. Taking control of small decisions can help you navigate big emotions.

Prioritising your own wellbeing

The festive season can be physically and emotionally demanding, which makes self-care essential.

Eat nutritious food, rest regularly and allow your emotions to surface without judgment. It is entirely normal to feel both sorrow and joy at the same time.

Some simple, practical strategies include:

Take breaks when you feel overloaded, grief is draining.

Surround yourself with people who make you feel safe and supported.

Reflect on what feels meaningful, such as sharing memories, quiet time or both.

Explore creative outlets such as music, writing, art or reading.

Create new traditions or rituals that honour your loved one’s memory.

Spend time in nature or engage in a hobby that brings you peace.

“There is no right or wrong way to grieve,” Keith said.

“There is only your way and it may change from year to year.”

When more support is needed

While grief is a natural response to loss, some circumstances – such as sudden or traumatic deaths – may make adjustment far more complex. If daily life becomes difficult to manage, reaching out for professional support can be hugely beneficial.

Local bereavement services, grief counsellors, peer support groups and mental health professionals can offer guidance and companionship during tough periods.

You are not alone

For many in our community, Christmas will be a season of both celebration and remembrance. If you’re grieving, know that your feelings are valid and support is available.

Grief may not follow tidy rules, but with connection, compassion, and gentle planning, the holidays can still hold moments of meaning and light.

– Content supplied by Legacy Funerals